I have three questions to ask:
- Why do men never stop snoring?
- Why do they always deny they have been snoring?
- Why is it ALWAYS the woman who has to move rooms?
Yes no doubt Alan will say I snore, but never has it been so bad that it has forced him from bed at 2am in the morning, with murderous thoughts in his head. How many times has he nudged me to shut up, only to be met with incredulous denial? I'll tell you. NONE, NADA, NEVER!
I am so PISSED OFF right now, that all I can think of is ways to stop this happening again. I have therefore decided that next time he snores I am NOT going to move beds. Instead I am going to stick a straw up his nose then superglue his nostrils and mouth closed. That should stop the sound of those rasping snores.
And let me tell you, if I feel then the way I feel now, I won't be looking too hard for those bloody straws!
1. tip from Poiret i think - found dead man in bed with walnuts sewn into the back of his pyjamas - stops them rolling onto backs when they snore more - but unfortunately, a veteran snore will snore in any position after a few minutes.
ReplyDelete2. this tip will show my battle scars - practice the art of almost waking him up - just enough to stop the snoring but not enough for him to him to realise what's going on. It's a balance of waking him enough to stop the snoring for more than a few minutes. If you wake him only from deep sleep then he will restart in a few seconds. If he does wake up, just snore lightly in a lady like fashion like you are sound asleep. In the morning, when he complains about feeling like he's been up all night, don't feel any guilty as you were awake all night, waking him. That's love and marriage, starring into each other's puffy bloodshot eyes over breakfast, silently wanting to kill each other - and you don't even need kids for this joy.
3. Warning, don't try this on a woman - i have shared hotel rooms with female friends and they wake too easily and women have no hesitation about hitting you.
4. If we women do snore then men have the fortune of sleeping like dogs - takes them seconds to get into a death like sleep - another reason why they should.
5. there are snoring remedies - some better than others. Also sleep clinics to work out what's happening. I think you are at this stage - where something has to be done.
6. Otherwise it will be permanent seperate rooms. I like this idea. You get to invite each other. He has to woo you for sex, not just turn over. Or maybe you get to beg him for sex by having your room as a proper boudoir. Perhaps put a red light outside your door with a money box entry.
The trouble with the walnuts is that I like them, so would probably end up rummaging in his pjs, trying to get hold of them, if you know what I mean!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the waking him up idea. I bang my hand down hard on the mattress. Believe me, if you are not expecting it, that can sound really loud. If he really gets going, I do give him a sharp nudge. I try not to wake him, unless I get mad. Then all bets are off!