Sunday 30 October 2011

John Falls For Norah's Dubious Charms

Part IX of The Battys

We have had some more trouble with Norah over the last week.  As you know, our friends came to stay with us, and almost immediately, it became clear that John and Norah liked each other.  Now under normal circumstances that would have been okay, but John is a married man.
You can see that Norah made the first move.  Just look at the shameless way she got all cosy with John.  Mind you, dressed like that, it is no wonder that he fell for her dubious charms.

Friday 28 October 2011

Is That Even Legal?!

Yesterday I went for my annual check up at BNH hospital.  For those of you who do not know Thailand, it is a modern, smart hospital, used by ex-pats and Thais with some money.  They are forever promoting something or the other when I visit, and yesterday, having time on my hands, I for once actually read the posters.  Maybe I should do so more often.

You really need to read it.
 6 YEARS OLD!!!  IS SHE NUTS??!  
Surely no sane woman has a 6 year old kid chomping on her nipples.  At what age does it go onto solids?  Does he go onto formula first?  What happens in public?  Has this woman NEVER seen the Little Britain sketch of a grown man in his 30s being breast fed by his mother in public?  Come on!

But wait, it gets worse - read the small print.
SHE BREAST FED A PATIENT'S BABY!!!
Really, am I the only person creeped out by this?  What is she, wet nurse and doctor, all rolled into one? Could she not have expressed the milk?  Did she feed that baby until aged 6 too?  I think all that sucking has sucked the use of the English language right out of her along with her brains!

This is not the sort of person I want in my circle of friends.  Can you imagine going out to lunch?  She'll be grabbing passing babies and shoving them on her left boob, whilst the right is firmly stuck into her 6 year old's mouth.  YUK YUK YUK!!!  This all just sounds a bit - well you know- OFF.

For those of you who have never seen Little Britain click here and you'll know exactly what I am talking about - don't worry, it isn't porn!

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Sam and Ben go Batty over Norah!

Part VIII of The Battys
I have noticed that Norah has a strange effect over men, no matter what their age.  She is like a spider pulling them into her web.

Sam is a kind boy, who asked Norah to sit next to him at dinner.  Sam thought that Norah wanted his company, but as usual, she was out for what she could get.
Isn't it pathetic the way Norah is pleading with Sam for some of his dinner.  Just look at the way she is badgering the poor lad, and she has her own full plate anyway.

Tuesday 25 October 2011

Hannah Gives Norah A Tough Time

Part VII of The Battys.
After all the problems I have had with Blondie and Little Red recently, it was nice to see them come over to help prepare for the arrival of the Chalmers gang.

Wednesday 19 October 2011

What a shock!

To cut a very long story short, I ended up on Friends Reunited this evening, probably the first time since I joined it, only to find this photo of me at school in 1973.  That's me with the white hairband.  I am so shocked.  I don't have a single photo of me at school - really, I just had no idea what I looked like as a school kid.  I feel stunned to have found this.  How funny that it should turn up now as I am pulling out these old photos.  I'm absolutely stunned.

Me and Harry Potter

Did I ever tell you that I once went on holiday with Harry Potter?

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Another Suit For Chris!

Okay, I think this is the only other picture I have of a young me in a suit.
This is when my father remarried my wonderful American stepmother Flo (well technically ex) in the UK.  I think I was about 19 or 20.  I am the one with the hat!  If I remember rightly, the hat was Flo's.  The suit was a sort of cream colour with little diamonte on the padded shoulders.  I notice that I actually have a pair of heels on, probably the only photo of me with heels to exist.

Sunday 16 October 2011

Is My Husband Cheating On Me?

Part VI of The Battys
I was asked why the Battys left our apartment, and why only Blondie and Little Red. It pains me to say it, but I think Alan may have preferred them over me.  In fact, I think there may have been a bit of fun and games going on when I wasn't around.
The first clue that all was not as it should be, was that Blondie and especially Little Red, were always preening just before Alan went to work, or was about to come home.

Thursday 13 October 2011

Birthday indulgence

Yesterday was my birthday, something that I am beginning to dread as they come with ever greater alacrity.  What happened to the days when I was so excited that it was my birthday?
I guess I was 4!

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Who's Cooking Tonight?

Part V of The Battys
Oh boy.  The Batty's came back today to cook a special meal for us.  I think Alan must have arranged it when he heard we were going to have my home made pizza for dinner.  I really don't understand why he doesn't like it.  He has banned me from making pizza (no word of a lie) saying that even Kathi's teach-in did nothing to improve the brick-hard remnants that emerge from the oven!  You have to admit that is harsh.
 Blondie was at the stove straight away.   Just look at her eager little face.

Tuesday 11 October 2011

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

Part IV of The Battys
Click here to view on You Tube
Oh come on, like you have never tried to scupper your friend's chances with men, so that you can get in there first!


Thursday 6 October 2011

Those Special People We Meet Along The Way

Part III of The Battys - for those who really have nothing better to do with their time. 
Click here for You Tube link if you have problems viewing this video

CONGRATULATIONS JOHN!

Our friend John, has been toiling for some years now, trying to finish up his masters degree, whilst holding down a very demanding job, being a husband, father and wonderful friend.

Yesterday he got the news that he passed with distinction!  What a star!!!!!

So, please forgive this moment of indulgence from his wife and friends.
Click here for You Tube if you experience problems viewing this video.
PS only a small amount of booze was consumed!

Well done John!!!

Sunday 2 October 2011

New Home

Part II of The Battys
I just got word from Jill that Blondie and Little Red have made it to their new home.