On Husbands & Hotels (and why I wanted to change them both) Part 2

Normally when we travel Alan chooses good hotels, sometimes they are even great.  There have however been the duds.  The second problem hotel was recommended by Alan's colleague (and we won't be using her recommendations again!).

The room itself while dark, was okay.  It was the facilities that caused the problem.  As you can see the shower for the en-suite was actually an alcove next to the wardrobe (on the left) with a curtain pulled across.  

On Husbands and Hotels (and why I wanted to change both!).

Our first night in Myanmar was not the calm, pleasant one we had expected.  And I blame Alan for that.  

We had not expected a luxury hotel when we arrived in Mandalay, though a bit more space in the room would have been a bonus (look closely at the picture and you will see that whoever (and by that I mean Alan) slept on the far side of the bed, had to climb over the end of the bed in order to get past the mini bar.  Well at least we had a mini bar.

The electrics were also not exactly what one would have hoped for, but again, we were not expecting too much.  Little did we know however, that our (and by that read my) sanguine attitude to this would rapidly evaporate come nightfall.

CROP CIRCLES IN BANGKOK!

Something strange has been going on in our bed.  Well, I mean something stranger than normal of course!  Over the last couple of weeks, strange red makes started appearing on Alan's pillowcases and on the sheet on his side of the bed.  Initially I thought I had left some newly dyed pieces of fabric in the washing machine, but there were no rogue piece in there.  The marks were also quite regular, a sort of horseshoe shape.

Initially I blamed a rather nasty shaving gash on Alan's face, but as the marks kept reappearing, seemingly multiplying overnight, we knew that couldn't be the answer.  Also the marks wouldn't wash out, even with bleach.

I kept changing the pillowcases but the marks reappeared every morning when we got up.  Unusually it was Alan who started to get a bit creeped out by this, saying he had crop circles on his pillowcases.

However, this morning he came to me shouting "Eureka!".  Yep, Alan had solved the crop circle mystery which was threatening to become our own X-File.  Guess what it was...

Horse riding in Bangkok

I could not resist snapping a surreptitious photo of this woman, standing on the MRT bridge at Central Chitlom.  What is she wearing??!  There cannot be many horses galloping around the MRT.

Also, I saw the front view and she is no spring chicken.  The fringed handbag is a nice touch and though you can't see it from this view, her shirt collar is turned up to frame her face.

Embroidery for Beginners

Have you missed me?  No?  Okay then, I'll just crawl back into a corner and lick my wounded ego.  I think I have been suffering from Bloggers Block.  Yes it is a medical condition but it has absolutely nothing to do with bowels.  I just couldn't get around to taking up my virtual pen and writing again.  

Of course life sometimes conspires against me (and my blogging).  I spent a month on a fantastic holiday in the US (I just can't wait to go again!).  As you can see, I did a little bit of shopping whilst there, just to get my creative juices going again.

MEN & SNORING

It is just gone 2am and I am up writing this because YET AGAIN, I have been forced from my bed by HE TO WHOM I AM MARRIED because of his bleeping SNORING!  I am now waiting for the other room to cool down, so that I can go to sleep in there, whilst at the same time knowing that I am so mad, sleep is probably long gone.

I have three questions to ask:

1. Why do men never stop snoring?
2. Why do they always deny they have been snoring?
3. Why is it ALWAYS the woman who has to move rooms?

Yes no doubt Alan will say I snore, but never has it been so bad that it has forced him from bed at 2am in the morning, with murderous thoughts in his head.   How many times has he nudged me to shut up, only to be met with incredulous denial?  I'll tell you.  NONE, NADA, NEVER!

I am so PISSED OFF right now, that all I can think of is ways to stop this happening again.  I have therefore decided that next time he snores I am NOT going to move beds.  Instead I am going to stick a straw up his nose then superglue his nostrils and mouth closed.  That should stop the sound of those rasping snores.  

And let me tell you, if I feel then the way I feel now, I won't be looking too hard for those bloody straws!

British Olympic Team

The Olympics have always been seen as a recognition of well honed athletes at the top of their game, and the 2012 Olympics are no exception.

This year's Olympics feature the First To The Bar and the Most Drunk races, both new categories.  This post is to introduce some of Britain's top athletes entering those races.

A late entry into the Olympics is athlete Craig, who is shown above holding up the official Olympic symbol, which he lovingly made himself from some greasy onion rings.  Good to see that he is hard at work in full training.

Also in the running are two, slightly more experienced athletes (read older).  Athlete Mark slurred that he had been in training all his life for this moment, to which athlete Alan quipped that it had clearly been a very long training session!  

Doesn't it make you proud to be British!

THERE ARE THREE OF US IN THIS MARRIAGE AND IT IS GETTING RATHER CROWDED

A wife's rant about being married to a journalist.

If your journalist husband is anything like mine, he probably started out with piles of newspaper clippings (sorry, very important references) cluttering up the place, that you were eventually able to surreptitiously remove from the home unnoticed.  

Hard at work journalist, looking for more papers to save

These life or death clippings were kept in special folders, for that special moment when they would be required again.  Mine never even noticed that I had binned them.

Stop With The Mean Emails, Please!

Thank you everyone, for all your well wishes for Alan's good health.  He is feeling great after a few days in Penang, taking it easy.  

I do not however, thank you for all the comments made about how he supposedly got the cut above his head.  I did not hit him with a rolling pin, ipad, fist or as my sister so nicely suggested, a Dutchie pot!  He did it himself, and I now call an end to all the hurtful emails that have been sent my way!

One Eyed Jack

Alan woke up this morning to find that his eyelid has almost covered his eye.  I am now taking bets as to whether it closes completely in time for his birthday tomorrow.  Honestly, would you go on holiday with someone looking like this?

I'm still getting very hurtful comments about how Alan did this, and I want to state here and now, I DID NOT DO THIS TO HIM!  Oh and before you ask, yes he will be having a shave before we go.  He is not going to use this as an excuse to grow a holiday beard!

I Am Just A Poor Boy Though My Story's Seldom Told

Alan gave us both an enormous fright yesterday, when he passed out, hitting his head on the hardwood floor.

As you can see, he had a huge gash above his eyebrow.  I took this photo to prove to Alan that this cut DID need stitching, and would NOT heal on its own.  Thankfully he realised that it did need more than my nursing skills, gained from ER, Chicago Hope and St Elsewhere!

And He Had The Cheek To Talk About My Dubious Dress Sense!

One of the truly wonderful things about having your own blog when you are married, is that you win every argument, simply by screaming 'I'll post that on my blog', every time he really annoys you.  Actually, I post things about Alan just because I can!

Some postings back, Alan wrote a comment about a hat I was wearing, calling me something like a '1980s fashion victim who looked like she had just stepped off the stage at the London Palladium'!  Okay, even for my legendary good humour, that was pushing it just a tad too far.  It was then exacerbated by my cousin telling my uncle that I had dubious taste in clothing because of the yellow outfit I wore in the Deliverance video.  My uncle only added to the insults by telling his son for some reason that the outfit was my pyjamas!

So here and now, and with this picture I scotch several myths floating around at the moment.

• He calls ME a fashion victim?  Even in Benin that outfit stood out!  Come on, I ask you?  Which is worse, me in the hat or Alan in his Benin outfit?  No I DIDN'T say funniest.
• This outfit does not belong to me as evidenced by the photo of Alan wearing it in the tailor's market shop.
• I don't wear pyjamas, but if I did, would I be likely to wear a pair that would actually glow in the dark?  No, this is Alan's outfit and it is NOT pyjamas.

Yes I know exactly what you want to know.  Has he ever worn them outside the house?  Actually he wears it most days to work, along with a Mobutu style leopardskin hat.  As I said, my blog and I can say what I like, it doesn't have to be the truth you know!

Raybould's Reviews

For those of you who have never seen this, and who have never quite grasped my musical talents, enjoy!

Click here to watch it on YouTube where the quality is better!

Getting One Over On Alan

Ladies, what do you do when your husband comes home on a Saturday night, having imbibed one drink too many?

 Well, you could leave him to sleep it off on the sofa...

The Elevator Bar on 5

Part X of The Battys

Never let it be said that Alan passes up an opportunity to make some money.  During the flood crisis in Bangkok, Alan saw a niche opening up, when the communal bar from our condo was brought upstairs away from the possible flood danger, and surprise surprise, ended up outside our door, next to the elevators.  Knowing that expats would keep on drinking to the bitter end, he saw it as a way for them to keep their feet dry at the same time.  He therefore opened a bar in the hall outside of our apartment, called The Elevator Bar on 5.

The Elevator Bar on 5 opened yesterday.  To celebrate the grand opening. Alan had his hair coloured and permed for the occasion.  He said David Beckham used him as his style guru, and he was pretty sure this look would catch on with David.

John Falls For Norah's Dubious Charms

Part IX of The Battys

We have had some more trouble with Norah over the last week.  As you know, our friends came to stay with us, and almost immediately, it became clear that John and Norah liked each other.  Now under normal circumstances that would have been okay, but John is a married man.

You can see that Norah made the first move.  Just look at the shameless way she got all cosy with John.  Mind you, dressed like that, it is no wonder that he fell for her dubious charms.

Me and Harry Potter

Did I ever tell you that I once went on holiday with Harry Potter?

Is My Husband Cheating On Me?

Part VI of The Battys
I was asked why the Battys left our apartment, and why only Blondie and Little Red. It pains me to say it, but I think Alan may have preferred them over me.  In fact, I think there may have been a bit of fun and games going on when I wasn't around.

The first clue that all was not as it should be, was that Blondie and especially Little Red, were always preening just before Alan went to work, or was about to come home.